Sitting on the Edge of My Rocking Chair.

(Written August 24, 2016)

I’m antsy today.

There’s change in the air.  Maybe you haven’t noticed, but the world is barely spinning at all as if it’s holding its breath with me.  I’m giddy with excitement.

Today I am “this”, but any moment now I will be “something else”–something I’ve never been before.  I am right smack dab in the middle of becoming.

Becoming a grandmother.

As I write, I’m not there yet, but with every stroke of the key I become closer to the owning the title.

At this very moment and an ocean away, my boy and the one he loves more than any other human walking this earth are about to have a baby.  We don’t know if it’s the boy kind or the girl kind.  We don’t know the name. I’ll tell you, though, the mystery lends itself to being a most wonderful surprise.

With this birth, my world will be immediately altered and in a state that it wasn’t only a second before. My tribe will grow. This sweet little one who has been forever unknown to me will be known to me for the rest of my life.

His or her name will be on my tongue.  The sound of it will be unfamiliar at first, but soon it will roll right off as if I’ve been saying it forever.  The name will be lifted in my prayers. I’ll sing it in the “Happy Birthday” song.  I’ll write it on Christmas gift tags. I won’t go a day without thinking it.

For this one, I’ll prepare a comfy bed and favorite foods when visits come. I’ll rejoice when first words are said and when first steps are taken. I’ll wipe the dust off the old books, and the stories will come to life again. This little one will breathe a new energy into my life.

Family means one thing now, but it will mean a new thing soon.

In three days, I’ll get on a plane that will take me to the place where this little one is. Though I don’t know exactly how it will all go down, the scenario is rife with possibility!

My son with his own child.  His miracle. Will I smile until my face hurts?  Will I cry at the sweetness of it all?  When I see my kind and gentle daughter-in-law sweetly mothering, will I be able to keep a dry eye? Will I shriek with joy so loudly that I’ll startle the baby and they’ll have to “shush” me?  My heart has proven to be an unruly sort, so I just don’t know. Anything is possible. But here’s what I think.

I kind of think I’ll stand to the side taking it all in–waiting my turn for the moment I will hold this little one for the first time. Then I’ll introduce myself.

“Hey little one. It’s me!  Your grandma. But you can call me Dovey.  I live just over there–just across the ocean.  It seems faraway, but it really isn’t.  Just a hop, skip and a jump. How blessed you are to be loved by people here and there. You are my family.  My people. Happy Birthday. Jesus loves you. Welcome to the world”.

Those are my thoughts and words that I want to say though I admit I’ve yet to fully “become” who I will be. So who knows. I write knowing it’s highly likely that all the pretty words will fly out the window when I see this child for the first time. In which case, I’ll just hold tight, rock and hum, and let love speak for itself.

Find more essays by Dana Knox Wright below!